i'd like to start this blog out right. if you've experienced any of the below, i am sorry... and maybe this'll clear things up for you. just thought i'd throw that out there.
i am an analyzer. if you know me, you know it's true. hubs would say i'm obnoxious about it and entirely too analytical. it doesn't matter if it's a simple conversation or a choice of curtain color (working on that one now!), i run things through my head a million times and second guess each thought. enter elephant. old friends, new friends, family, acquaintances - i'm sure they all know my elephant well.
saying this should tell you exactly where i am. i am fallen. i am broken. i have a long, long way to go before i am a model of God's will (if i ever get there). i over analyze as i over compensate to be the person i think i should be - instead of the person God has made me to be.
why do we do this? why do we pretend, holdback, push too hard, raise our eyebrows when we should smile, or sit quietly when we should stand and scream!?
i remember as a child i NEVER held back. i never second guessed myself. i never thought twice. i knew who i was and i knew who God made me to be. as i grew up i saw the true nature of people (one after another, after another). enough disappointment got me to, well where i am - just another person a bit too hesitant, a tad too judgmental. as gross as this is - it is okay. i have a promise that changes everything.
My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.
2cor12.9 assures me of this.
so while i am ever-so-slowly morphing into a person who loves others and puts them first, who forgives and repents by the minute, who stops analyzing (others and myself) and focuses on needs, who reaches out, who stands up in a room (even if that ushers in my elephant)... i am confident that His grace is sufficient and i am encouraged that my childlike faith will return (I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it. luke18.17).
so if you see me hovering outside of grace - judging, analyzing, or timidly hesitating - slap me upside the head (!) and throw me back to where i belong.
now the dilemma. how to teach my children of what is to come...