about our elephant

Thursday, January 14

a moment

FINALLY. a new post.

if you know me, you'd know i'm a perfectionist. i do everything to the inth degree and pay very close attention to the itsy bitsy details. this is why, i am sometimes so delayed at posting new things on this blog. first of all, i have to write it - REwrite it, and give it some time to make sure my final draft is PERfect. i also HATE posting without pictures... because, well, isn't it just easier to read a whole post if your eyes get a break from the words and get to look at a fabulous picture!? even if it has nothing to do with the topic!? so, without any more delays here is a new picture post. lame. i know.

no new pictures because i have been so incredibly busy lately that i haven't even uploaded pictures from christmas off of my camera - much less edited them. AND i got lightroom for christmas!! i want to play with it so so soooo badly.

i've been busy with: playdating at the mall, a quilting class once a week, helping hubby try and navigate the massive mess that is online learning at lanier tech, holding B, doing dishes, cuddling pirate, thinking about potty-training pirate, looking at the piles of laundry, stressing about my messy house, really trying to get the rest of the christmas cards in the mail (don't laugh), paying bills AND wondering if i'll ever get time to do it all.

you know. get it ALL done. play. craft. bathe. eat. clean. blog. edit photos. make signs. network a computer (if you know what i know about computers, then you'd know just how long i've been staring blankly at a computer screen... but i'm better at it than hubby, so what can i say).

but i am reminded (more than once) that sewing, crafting, photo editing, blogging consistently, cleaning, all of this can wait. in the words of darius rucker...
It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah, this phase is gonna fly by

or trace adkins...
You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

or one of my favorite blogging mamas (mckmama)...
I didn't want to do more. I didn't want to sing to him one more time. I was tired. Tired of children, tired of singing, tired of the day. I just wanted it to be over. But then suddenly, as if fairy dust was sprinkled from the heavens right onto my tired head, the entire reality of my future set in.
I'm gonna miss this.
I looked down at little Nuggey, his damp eyelashes long and dark batting at me, his tiny bottom cradled in my hand, his soft, chubby legs thrown over my arm, his body entirely dependent on mine as I held him in my lap, and I could see the future. Nuggey, a grown boy, sporting a football jersey and facial hair, walked out of the bathroom. It was going to happen, and soon. ...As my mind fast forwarded to the future, I knew that at that moment, I would give anything for 20 year old Nuggey to be a toddler again, just for one more hour, so I could rock him and sing while I stroked his wet head.
And here, years earlier, I was being given my wish. I was able to rock Nuggey, a nearly helpless babe in arms, one more time.
Given a new perspective from which to see, I sang Rock-a-bye Baby as many times as Nuggey would let me that night. And I relished that time with my son in my arms, knowing that soon enough he would be all grown, and my arms would ache to hold him like a baby again.
apparently this is a common theme. amidst the chaos of being a mommy, while trudging through the trenches of poopy diapers, spit up, mickey mouse, potty training, nap time, play dates, doctor visits...

there. right there. a fleeting moment that becomes a precious memory. you ain't gettin' that back sister. time moves all too quickly once the wee ones arrive on the scene. and every single day i'm left stunned at how much has happened, you know, once i've found the time to stop rushing, doing, attempting... and just think.

what a joy! what a gift! to have my babies! to watch them grow! to experience them before they know about the world outside of home. better yet - to prepare them for that harsh, amazing place.

one day they'll be gone.

and i'll have more time than i know what to do with to craft, edit, blog.

okay. so i lied. here's a picture. an unedited, straight from the card on to my blog picture. this is not how they went to bed, but this is how i found them.

it does not get any better than this.

(side-note: why didn't anyone warn me!? why didn't anyone speak about how having kids would make you want to pull the hair from your head one instant... and beg God for just one more minute with them the next!? every day my thought process is: i swear if i have to say one more "no", "don't touch that", "one... two...", "just go play in your room alone for one minute", "get out of B's face", "just a minute" - and my very next thought is - "i love you so much! my precious, precious baby. what in the world would i do without you?" i swear sometimes child-rearing makes me feel bi-polar. God, what are you up to? what are You teaching us mamas???)

2 comments:

  1. I agree with everything you said ... I go from wanting to pull my hair out over tantrums to wishing he would wake uo early from his nap an come snuggle on the couch with me ... I think a lot about Zach's mom and how much she probably wants to snuggle him like when he was little but it must be so weird to look at him with a wife and kids of his own to snuggle ... makes me sad to think that will be how I look at Mac one day all grown up with a family of his own and a mommy who really just wishes he was 2 again and would snuggle:( O they grow fast ...

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  2. before you know it, you will be going to football, track, soccer, band, dance, etc, etc, etc. enjoy these precious moments at home with your boys while you can! in no time, pirate will know to say "hold me" instead of "hold you" and he will figure out soon enough that my name is simply karla instead of karla-shake-a-booty! these moments are the BEST!!! =)

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