i can't really explain what it has done to me to be the mommy of my two little bears. it's simply impossible to do correctly - err, to do it justice. since the brilliant day when little riott came into existence (somewhere around valentines day) and he grew in me and from me - my nourishment, my flesh, my oxygen - he also grew my love. my love grew and grew, it changed. it changed me and my life, my outlook and my motivation. it changed who i thought i was and all the things i thought i had learned and understood. thus, is motherhood to me. this is my experience. this is my life.
so often i get in the rut (see previous post) of doing the same things (who does that?!) and thinking that i have to endure. endure the housework. endure the potty training. endure the switch from 3 naps to 2. endure the heat when riott wants to play outisde. endure a routine existence when what i seek is surprise, spontaneity, and constant creativity.
what!? endure? poppycock, i say!
i have the most amazing life on the planet. i have a man that loves me fully - my balance, my confidant, my other half. i have two babies to cuddle with every day... and i get to watch them grow into the men that God is molding them into. i GET to show them how to live this life, how to enjoy creation and the Creator. how to delve into the things that make them individuals and really grasp at life - and everything that it has to offer.
i get to be on the other end of full-body smiles which little beckham shines so brightly - (and for now i get most of those smiles b/c i am still his favorite. it won't last long, so i'm bragging while i can. hah!).
i get to teach riott that yellow really is not blue, no matter how much he really really wants it to be.
i get to be their good night and their good morning. i teach them love. i show them life.
i was blessed and cursed with a creative mind. i need creativity. it feeds my soul. the blessings are obvious. the curse is how you feel when you can't squeeze in the creativity that you need. how similar to cleaning the house, or sex, or talking to your mom or a great old friend... the longer you wait the harder it is to get motivated, to remember the enjoyment in it, the more your forget how to do it and do it well.
no more. my prayer is simple. "Lord, teach me how to live the way You created me to live. teach me to love the way my soul thrives to love. help me find passion in every task no matter how small or how mundane. keep my mind away from the ruts... help me to forget my fears and worries. and let me love! let me love my life.. let me love my men. let me love each person as you would. let me live. to really live."
and it only gets better from here. this is my adventure.