Friday, January 7
a little UMPH
i love new years... and how it forces this inner surge. almost as intense as nesting during pregnancy. i get all these ideas and thoughts and wants. i feel strong. i feel motivated. i feel like i really can change... and i can, but not on my own.
and it doesn't come at a better time than in the middle of winter. cold. short days. stuck inside. feet having to be covered, restricting layers having to be worn. this time of new and growth is a MUCH needed one - because the season itself is not about newness or growth.
speaking of, i spent an entire 12 hours around new years thinking i was pregnant. it was perfect. perfect timing - another 23 month separation. pregnant with at least 2 of my very best friends. perfect season - september delivery - a SUMMER-ish baby!! perfect planning, though "unplanned". but alas, i was not pregnant. which gave me a whole new surge! we will NOT be trying again until july (i refuse to have another holiday or birthday between october and february - all 4 birthdays, not to mention other 5 major holidays to celebrate). and there are many reasons to be on my feet - hooting and hollering about my non-pregnancy!
-may will be our first anniversary in 4 years where i am not pregnant or nursing through the night!
-i can actually attempt to not have a "i just had a baby" body this summer!
-we won't have the next one before ty is out of school!!!
i am still a bit sad, because, for 12 entire hours my mind and heart had already shifted into new baby mode. reality hit me like a rock.
but at this very moment, i am content. for at least 6 more months i can focus on my 3 boys. our goals. our life. our love.
my (everyday)/2011 new years' resolution:
-to love my Lord. He's often the last thing on my mind. after a day filled with playdates and diapers, dishes and bedtimes, i lay my head down to rest, and think "shoot! all day and this is the only time i have prayed." though that's only partially true - it's the only time i've consciously directed my thoughts toward prayer - it still feels lazy and unintentional. to love Him - to start each day asking forgiveness, with the knowledge and admittance that i can't do it. He is my all in all. i trust Him. i need Him. i long for Him. i desperately want to know Him.
-to love my man hard. i want him to know just how good he is. the best husband a girl could wish for. the best dad a mom could dream of. the best friend possible. THE. BEST. MAN. FOR. US.
-to love my babies. make more memories. less laziness. more play. less yelling. more teaching. less controlling. more fun. more learning. more trusting. more growing together.
-to love my friends. 2010 was pretty much an unbeatable year as far as friends go. i've been given a life-friend, and she loves me so good. and i've had a life-friend who's really taught me how to love others. i want to give that back.
-to make my house a home. they key word being "make". it's what you make of it. and not just in decor (though that's the fun part). cleaning, folding, picking up, putting back, wiping, dusting, decluttering, washing. all of these (suck! yes... but not where i was going.) make a house a home. the laundry and dishes i hate putting away, means people i love are being fed and are clothed. the meals i don't like to cook (sorry betty crockers, it's not in me to be a cook-er) means we get to sit around the table together and fill our bellies with nourishment, and fill our hearts with conversation. the bathrooms i hate to clean, mean we get bath time, and potty training, and tooth brushing, and hair fixing - daily tasks, lifelong memories. the toys that i step on right in the arch of my foot (and make me cuss reeeeally quietly though i want to scream so loud so everyone knows how bad it hurts) means my babies are growing! and learning! and playing! (and i should wear shoes. :)
i love being motivated. i hope i don't lose the momentum...