about our elephant

Monday, July 1

i can't

my mind is most definitely overwhelmed right now...
at the goodness of our God, 
at health and wealth and prosperity - and what it means to be an American to some - what it should look like for us, 
at politics and money and scandal and all of the foolishness that keeps the adoption process LONG and HARD and EXPENSIVE - BUT ULTIMATELY that keeps a child sitting in an institution for longer than necessary when they could be in the arms of a loving family, 
at the beauty and joy of my 3 lil babes at home, 




at the rate at which time is all-too-quickly passing (kindergarten is coming y'all), 
at piles and piles of paperwork that we must get done to get to our girl (health checks, drug testing, septic checks, verification of employment, tax returns, financial statements, guardianship statements, hours of online adoption training, 911 call logs, and on and on and on and on and on), 
at rounding up donation items for our next fundraiser, 
at piles of laundry, too many dishes in the sink, STUFF everywhere, and lots and lots of planning ahead of me, 
at making a bajillion and one pieces of art/signs that also go to support our girl, 
at the terrible burden being born a Dalit - abandonment, persecution, maybe one meal a day, no health care, nothing NEW ever, no clean water, no shampoo, no education, and no escaping it,
at the thought of my girl - where is she? is someone snuggling her? does she know she is loved? and wanted? is she eating or does her tummy grumble nonstop? is she safe or does she have to hide from predators? is she abused? does she fight them? I WILL FIGHT FOR YOU MY LITTLE LOVE! i can't. i can't go there. i cannot comprehend the atrocities of what might be. I CANNOT. 

all i can say is - sweet baby, i love you. i am coming for you. we will bring you home and love you and fix whatever needs to be fixed. you are worth it. you are lovely. our God is BIG and our God is WIDE and He sees you and your struggles. He sees that you're scared and lonely and wondering. He is making us a path straight to YOU. we are on our way. my beautiful girl, we are coming for you. 

i cannot wait to post her picture here amongst my sweeties. i cannot wait to hear the giggles, to watch their relationships grow, to see her thrive, to see what plans The Lord has for her future... but for now, it is us. 

Merciful Lord -- please protect our girl. Keep her safe from harm. Protect her mind and give her the hope of a home, of family. Give her the knowledge that we are coming for her. Keep her fighting. And snuggle her at bedtime, until I can do it myself. Thank you Father for wanting me and fighting for me and loving me, no matter what.  
Thank you for the answered prayer of an unparalleled church family. Thank you for their love and support. Thank you for sound preaching - Gospel, Gospel, Gospel. Thank you for my at-home babies - for their health, for their compassion, for their wild spirits, and for their love. They love so so well. 
Give me the clarity of mind to focus on one thing at a time, until it is all done. No pressure. No anxiety. Steady as a drum. 
Protect all the other Dalit children, and children of the slums. Their reality is only a gut-wrenching story to us... make it real. Show us their pain and suffering. May we come along side them and ease their burden. Provide MORE FAMILIES to scoop up the suffering, lonely, scared orphans. Give them homes and in the meantime, give them refuge. Show them your love and mercy. 
Lord thank you for GRACE. 

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